Making Peace

I recently tried to enter a poetry contest. The theme was, “the peace we make.” The contest had a wide open definition of making peace: finding peace in a literal war zone, making peace with a family member, finding inner peace etc. I started writing a very long poem. First, how to define peace? Second, how to make peace? The poem got too long. It’s now this blog post instead.

What is peace? We have to know what our goal is in order to achieve it. I usually see peace defined as an absence. Peace is not war. Peace is not arguing. Peace is a lack of conflict. Peace is a lack of tension.

When not defined by contrast, peace is often defined as harmony. One day in my high school music class, the music teacher had two of us play the same note. We were slightly out of tune. He asked the class who was right. Some said I was in tune. Some said the other flute-player was in tune. The teacher said that until we were in tune with each other, neither of us were in tune. Perhaps if peace is like harmony, we need to adjust to each other to find it.

That adjustment may look very different depending on why we’re not in tune. Sometimes making peace may mean adopting a humble attitude. We can’t live in peace if we’re too proud to admit we may be the problem. Sometimes peace may mean apologizing. If we’ve hurt someone, even accidentally, or in a way we don’t fully understand, we need to make it right instead of insisting they just “get over it” because it was unintentional. Sometimes peace may mean listening to someone we’ve long-since decided didn’t have a point. Sometimes peace may mean accepting an apology, even if it comes in the wrong words. Sometimes peace means accepting that we were both wrong. Sometimes peace means forgiving, and moving on.

Making peace can mean a variety of things, but it always means doing something. In the Bible, Psalm 34:14 says, “Turn away from evil and do what is good;/ seek peace and pursue it.” (HCSB) Peace isn’t often a matter of waiting for someone else to fix things. Peace isn’t hoping the other person will magically become easier to deal with. Peace is something we have to seek, and pursue. It’s a mission, and it takes work and determination.

Peace takes the right attitude. What does the Bible say about how to approach our pursuit for peace? “Be in agreement with one another. Do not be proud; instead, associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Try to do what is honourable in everyone’s eyes. If possible, on your part, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:16-18 HCSB)

Sometimes, peace is not attainable yet. “If possible, on your part, live at peace with everyone.” We can try to make peace with someone, but if they refuse it, we’ve done all we can. Until God changes their heart, or until they are ready to live in harmony with us, or until we find a new way to reach them, all we can do is love them. We don’t beat ourselves up for not making peace if we honestly tried our best. We don’t hold a grudge against them, and become bitter. We act in kindness, and accept that we’ve done our part. That way, we can have peace in our hearts about the situation.

What does peace look like, practically speaking? We see some conflicts in the Bible that can help us learn to make peace. When Paul wrote to the church in Philippi, he mentioned an argument between two women – Euodia and Syntyche. In Philippians chapter 4 he reminds them of their common goal, urges them the get along, and asks another church member to help them resolve their differences. That’s a solid way to make peace – remember why we used to get along, and if necessary, get help to get the relationship back on track. Admitting we need help can be hard, but it’s important to our pursuit of making peace.

In another famous Biblical conflict, Paul and Barnabas disagree about taking Mark on a missionary journey (Acts 15). Paul didn’t want to take Mark because Mark had deserted them on an earlier trip. Barnabas insisted on giving Mark a second chance. Unable to come to an agreement, Paul and Barnabas parted ways. Sometimes, if an agreement can’t be made, we can seek peace by giving each other some space. If we can acknowledge that we are still friends, and still respect each other, it’s okay to agree to disagree.

What happened with Paul and Mark? We see in later letters that Paul and Mark eventually did work together again, but for a time, Paul wasn’t ready to repair the relationship. The trust wasn’t there. Mark had to prove himself first, and Paul was ready to accept him again when he did. Sometimes making peace means realizing we need to take steps to assure someone we’ve changed before expecting them to trust us again.

Making peace is hard. There is no one-size-fits-all answer for how to do that. Conflict stems from many things, so peace has to adjust to each situation as it comes. Peace means being humble, listening, caring, acting in kindness when kindness feels undeserved, finding a trusted person to mediate an argument, talking out a problem, giving second chances, earning second chances, treating everyone with respect, and many more things. Peace can even be letting things go if we’ve tried our best and a situation remains unresolved for now. Peace is hard to define, because what we do to bring about peace can widely vary. If we want to live in peace, to pursue peace, and to do our best to live in peace with others, we have to be ready to evaluate each situation as it comes along, and be willing to do adjust until we are in tune with others.